Why I Hate Humans: A Weekly Digest

This world is full of people who exhibit some appalling, disgusting behavior. This week, it included the following:

The woman who promised a young man dying of cancer that his financial woes were over.

They weren’t. Because she was lying. She was lying to impress a celebrity who had made a video appeal to the Internet to help him. This chick, “Jonnica Ellis,” promised young Tom Doty that she was going to front $250,000 for him to undergo experimental but highly successful experimental therapy. She forged documents, bank statements, wire transfers, and emails saying the money was en route and to proceed with the treatment. The family packed up and went to San Diego for the treatment, stopping the young man’s therapy for about 8 weeks– only to find out that the money was never coming. He passed away on December 19th.

The dude who took a first date to Applebee’s and made her pay for it.

I mean, seriously. Applebee’s? I wouldn’t wish an Applebee’s meal on my worst enemy. My favorite bits:

  • I noticed that every time this girl looked away from him he would twitch. And i mean Twitch. Not just some little tweek, I’m talking a good full-out torque, these things had a wind-up.
  • With the girl in the bathroom, Sir Twitch-n-torque breaks out his phone and makes a call. Whoever he’s on the phone with is now being bombarded with events that never occurred (Ex. “This fine-ass honey is a dime dude, we came in, sat down she jus started grabbin ma junk right theh under the table, etc etc”)… I tune back into the end of his phone conversation as he frustratingly replies “I dont know, ma, like around 11!”
  • He reaches across the table, grabs his date’s Long island Ice Tea, pounds the whole glass. No hesitations, 3 gulps, done. He then announces to our section “CRUNK JUICE”, and slams the glass down where he found it.
  • So after all his talking of himself describing his ‘cakeflow’, and his being on his way to making his first million dollars, she snaps. “Okay, um, I’m sorry, but are you like retarded or something, seriously” He pauses, laughs, says “Nah, but I’m stupid diggin you right now”. Then he leans back, fist to his mouth and goes “Ooooohhh sh*t!!”
  • I know the cost of $6 drinks, $8 shots, along with 2 apps and 2 dinners, their check was probably something around 65-80 bucks. He takes out his wallet, and you could almost hear the drumroll. Young Galahad here only has 18 bucks on him.

Reminds me of a guy I dated briefly who once asked me if I wanted to sponsor a haircut. Those were his exact words. “Sponsor a haircut.” Never. Freaking. Again.

Judgmental Cashiers at Sam’s Club

Someone with whom I’m acquainted on Facebook is an occupational therapist by trade. They posted the following (then swiftly deleted it… but not before I had copied and pasted it to IM it to The Bestie since it made me so sick):

“Today my quadriplegic patient told me while he was shopping at Sam’s a cashier called his wife "a lazy, waste of tax dollars” when they used food stamps.“

REALLY?! Being a caregiver to someone you love is a 24/7 job. When was the last time you worked that hard? Lazy my ass.

Octomom, who is back on welfare.

After the publicity stunts, brief stint in porn, and whatever the heck she might have gotten herself involved in, Octomom is back on public assistance! I know I don’t have kids, and I can’t possibly imagine what it must be like to be raising fourteen. But I mean, come on. This was your decision. And not in the whole "You decided to perform an act that leads to creating new life” sort of way. More like “You went to a doctor and told the doctor to put 14 babies in your uterus.” And after everything she’s done to scrape the bottom of the spotlight barrel, she’s back on the government’s pay roll. Unbelievable.